Well interesting news today, a colleague of mine has one of the highest growth rates in the district. What puzzles me about this is the fact that this particular teacher is late to work everyday and is very nonchalant I don't understand how this person is getting these results when the rest of us work our tails off. We have been told we are going to be watched like hawks, the housing projects right across the street from the school closing in October, we only have 322 students and will be losing 96 with the closing. So with such a small student to teacher ratio, our principle was told to "spank" (words from the district official) anyone who did not comply. It sounds great to have small student to teacher ratio, We are good at closing the gap (pulling up students who come to us below grade level) but that doesn't count for enough. We now must provide enrichment for those who are on grade level to move them above and beyond. DUH you say that is what teaching is all about, but it is easy to forget about these guys, they are few and far between here at my school. I think it is a lot of extra work to plan a 'challenge' lesson for only 2 or 3 students per class. I think about it and it would be ideal for them to all be in the same class, grouped by ability, but that is now against the law. So these kids could stay after school and get some higher level enrichment but that is another day I have to stay after work. I keep telling myself thats what the teachers in the movies do, my goal this year was to be the best teacher I can be, but I do have a family of my own, and staying after school 2 or 3 times a week is not family friendly.
On top of all this I can't help but almost want to give up. They are going to get rid of teachers who don't perform, well get rid of me. I want to be a stay at home mom anyway. Them getting rid of me would just speed up this process!! It is hard to put my whole heart into my classes when I am so bogged down with feelings of my family, my daughter at home needing her parents and knowing my husband can't be here for her I need to be but can't because I am required to stay after school 2 or three times a week. Not to mention I think that being pregnant and teaching in this environment would not be healthy, too much stress, a nasty building and dirty kids, not a good place for a pregnant woman.
Anyway, again just venting, I have no one to talk to, my husband doesn't understand how feelings of babies can take over a woman's thoughts. To put icing on the cake a pregnant, girl that I don't even know her name, chose me to be her go to girl today (after my melt down last night), she's 8 months pregnant.